My college was a nice place. It still is. It is small, clean, friendly. Through my four years there I got to know the patrol officers, and I never once felt unsafe on campus. Now despite always feeling safe, I know that rapes and sexual assaults took place on campus. I heard the stories. And I know that they took place off campus as well. I was not naive to things that we going on underneath the rug. But I did my best to stay away from situations where there might be a higher chance of rape and sexual assault.
I never once went to a college party. In my whole four years at college. Many people are probably shocked by that. But that was a vow I made myself when I started college. I was not 21 yet, as most freshman aren't, and I wasn't going to engage in underage drinking. Even if I was legal, I still wasn't going to engage in drinking. Those are my morals, and when I started college, that is a vow I made myself. No college parties. No alcohol. Now I wasn't a recluse. I did have friends. We just went and did other things like laser tag and trampolining and to the amusement park. We did other fun things that didn't involve alcohol and wouldn't get us into trouble. I knew that going to a college party could warrant unwanted behavior. You never knew who would be a party, and how much people would be drinking. Everything about a college part screams red flags to me. But it shouldn't.
In today's society we have normalized drinking and sex with little regards for the consequences. 8 times out of 10 when you turn on the radio there's a song playing about drinking, and have sex with a bunch of girls. People are hearing it all the time. It's also in movies and TV shows, telling people it's okay to have unwanted sex and get so wasted you don't remember the night before. And people are so quick to blame alcohol, or the way a women dresses as the cause for the rape or sexual assault. NO WOMAN ASKS TO BE SEXUALLY ASSAULTED OR RAPED BASED ON THE WAY SHE IS DRESSED OR HOW MUCH ALCOHOL SHE HAS DRANK. NEITHER OF THOSE THINGS ARE ILLEGAL. INSTEAD, LET'S LOOK AT WHAT ACTUALLY IS ILLEGAL, AND THAT IS HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE WITHOUT CONSENT.
It is crazy to me how so many people can think that someone is lying. "This didn't really happen." or "She made that happen." I don't see those people asking those questions when they read a news article or watch a news report. That's always real. 100% of the time. But someone getting raped or sexually assaulted, I really have to understand the story to see if it's true. And this is the reason why victims refuse to share their story and get help. They will be victim blamed. 90% of the time. They will be told they are wrong, they caused it, or it is a waste of time to listen to their story. AND THAT IS MADDENING!
So there are two things that need to happen here to change society.
1. We need to stop exploiting the rape culture, take those songs off the radio and don't fund movies that are perpetuating it. This will help people hear and see the truth. That drinking to excess is bad, and unwanted and unconsented sex is bad and we won't stand for it as a society.
2. We need to stand with the victims. We need to not question their story or their experience. We need to give them love and support them when they need it the most and we need to work with them to defeat these monsters who are committing these crimes.